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Swish

He's short, fat, rich

is an anagram of

FATHER CHRISTMAS 


Culture Vulture

by Dermot McGrath December 2016

Music

This suite has become an essential part of Christmas music and is performed in theatres all over Europe during these special dates.

Tchaikovsky  is the composer. What is the name of the piece? 

 

 

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Geography

In which city does Christmas Day occur first?

 

Arts

What is the name of the festive Christmas ballet that features the ‘Sugar Plum Fairy’?

History

Who were the first people to visit baby Jesus? 


Smile for a While


A Sign of the Times


As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas, young lady?"


The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped:

"Didn't you get my E-mail?"

 

​Corny Jokes

And here are a few corny jokes you will probably find in Christmas crackers this year:

Why has Hillary Clinton asked Santa for a 23-letter alphabet?

Because she's fed up with F-B-I

What's David Cameron's favourite Christmas song?

All I Want for Christmas is EU 

What did Adam say the day before Christmas?

"It's Christmas, Eve."

Oops, OMG, you've already seen them :)

Dermot McGrath ebooks



Oneliners

To think of shadows is a serious thing (Victor Hugo)

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak


Foreign words & expressions


shèng dàn kuài lè

means...?


Think Language

Neither John nor Peter went to London but Peter went to Edinburgh and John to Manchester

If you don't agree with Tom Red's Language Logic, just send him a message to moonday@moondaytimes.com and he will reply to you.


Grammar Under Hammer

Lp Elementary Students MUST KNOW:

You can’t say EXPLAIN ME THE STORY

You must say EXPLAIN THE STORY TO ME

But you can say:

TELL ME THE STORY.

 

 


Lpcomment

by Tom Red

A CHRISTMAS COMMENT

Hi Folks, my name’s Tom Red. I’m not what I seem and I seem what I’m not.

I’m really somebody’s alter ego but that’s another story. My job in The Moonday Times is to make Monday mornings a little easier to digest. My boss has asked me to compile lots and lots of tit-bits on different subjects. Our attention span is getting smaller by the day; so much information, so little time...

So here is my Christmas message. Fast!    

Many people can't get Christmas over quickly enough, the sooner it’s over the better. It's a sad and miserabe time for them, especially if they're old or alone.

Of course, it's great for kids as long as they believe in Santa. But they say that nowadays when a kid reaches 5, there’s more of a chance that he’s found out about the nice big lie. And if he hasn’t, he’ll get a tweet from one of his 6-year old buddies who’ll soon put him right.   

What does Christmas mean anyhow? That’s a question that Christmas lovers don’t ask themselves because the answers would spoil their fun. Truth hurts.
 
We know that somebody picked December 25th out of a hat. It could have been January 17th or February 27th. Or August 1st. December 25th is not mentioned in the Gospels, nor indeed is any other date or time of the year. The first recorded Christmas was on December 25th, 336, after King Constantine instead of continuing to persecute Christians shocked the world when he became one himself and changed the course of religious history.
 
The problem with Christmas of course is that it’s really only for people who can afford it (the haves)They're the ones that have the fun and get the good presents. Unfortunately, there are far more have-nots in the Christian world. It's really got SFA to do with Christ. 

In short, it's gotta be the biggest con in history. But we can't change that now. It's genetic so if that makes it right ...

 

I could have included in my Christmas quiz:

How many people will die in Aleppo on Christmas Day and how many kids will drown in the Med on Boxing Day?

Answers next week.

 

But anyhow, that’s another story. In the meantime…

Eat drink and be merry smiley

Tom