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Swish

by Dermot McGrath


An Indian Summer is


Culture Vulture

by Dermot McGrath June 2017

Music

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Even the Taliban would recognize this piece of music. It was originally known as Chant de Guerre pour l'Armée du Rhin. (if you learnt French at school you'll know that means War Song for the Army of the Rhine. And if you didn't, trust me, erm). But it received its current name because it was first sung on the streets by revolutionary volunteers when they arrived in Marseille.

What's the title?

 

 

Geography

What’s the highest mountain in Europe?

Arts

 Who painted this picture? I can give you a clue. He’s dead.

History

This chap overthrew the government of the First Republic of France in 1799 and declared himself Emperor of France in 1804. But he was a greedy man, greedy for power, he wanted more. He wanted to rule Europe. In 1815, however he was defeated at the Battle of Waterloo. What was his name?


Smile for a While


Hi Smilers, first I’m gonna tell you a fantastic joke and then I’m gonna tell you a corny joke. Right… here we go with the fantastic joke:

A GOOD JOKE

A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred.

The doctor asked the man, "Do you smoke or drink?"

"No," he replied, "I've never done either."

"Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?" inquired the doctor.

"No, I've never done any of those things either."

"Well then," said the doctor, "why do you want to live to be a 100?"


Ooooh, I can’t stop laughing, absolutely brilliant!!!

Maybe it’s the best joke I’ve ever heard. Hey, reader, why aren’t you laughing? you’re supposed to be laughing!

Ok, now I’m gonna tell you the corny joke but you can’t laugh because it’s a terrible joke. Corny jokes are terrible!!!

A CORNY JOKE

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."

The husband replied, "Yes dear, but then I was in love and didn't notice."


Hey reader, you’re laughing…!!! Why are you laughing? You’re not supposed to be laughing, I don’t expect you to laugh at corny jokes. That was a terrible joke!!!

Dermot McGrath ebooks



Oneliners

People will believe anything if you whisper it

War does not determine who is right - only who is left


Foreign words & expressions


BON VIVANT means:


Think Language

“I have no idea at what time they will arrive,"she told me

If you don't agree with Tom Red's Language Logic, just send him a message to lpdermot@gmail.com and he will reply to you.


Grammar Under Hammer

Some LP Elementary Students know that:

We use DO to form a question when we refer to an action in the present (habitual)* tense, e.g. DO you play tennis? And that we say DOES if we are speaking about the third person singular, e.g. DOES Mary play tennis.

* The Present Habitual is also referred to as the Present Simple of the Present Indicative


Lpcomment

by Tom Red

WHAT DO THE CODE KEYS A1, B1 AND B2 MEAN?

They measure the level of English (and other European languages) of a learner according to the standards set by Common European Framework of Reference for Languages

The Bologna Plan was signed in Italy in 1999 by all member countries of the European Union with the aim of standardizing the level of English.

(The university of) Cambridge English Exams is the most popular way of measuring students’ level of English, especially if they are applying for a university place or for a visa to enter an English-speaking country.

To achieve level A2, a learner can do K.E.T (Key English Test).

This is a basic level qualification that shows you can use English to communicate in simple situations.

To achieve level B1, a learner can do P.E.T (Preliminary English Test).

This is a pre-intermediate level qualification to show you can read and understand the main points from signs, journals, newspapers and magazines, and can use vocabulary and structure correctly.

To achieve level B2, a learner can do the FCE (First Certificate in English).

The First Certificate is an upper-intermediate level exam for people who need to prove they can use everyday written and spoken English at that level for work or study purposes.

MY MISSION STATEMENT

A LITTLE KNOWLEDGE IS A DANGEROUS THING, SO
LEARN MORE AND BE SAFE!!

First and foremost, The Moonday Times is a magazine aimed at helping students practise their English.

They say studying improves brain and mind. Great!
But for some, it’s like eating half-cooked broccoli every day because it’s good for your body. Ughhh! Not great!

Of course there are many factors at play.

Study is associated with school. We were forced to learn when we were small because, basically, the more knowledge we possessed, the better our chances were of getting a good job. Study was a necessity, it was never intended to be a pleasure.

But as we got older, the accumulation of knowledge became a choice, free from the constraints of exams. Almost all of us in the Western world have become self-learners to a greater or lesser extent and we gather all manner of facts and figures that interest us from sport to the night sky.
The 3 Rs (Reading – wRriting – aRithmatic) provided us with letters and numbers, the basic tools to explore the world far beyond our own personal experiences. They allowed us to assimilate facts and they spawned our fantasies. They engendered desires and inspired our dreams. We know about events that ocurred hundreds and thousands of years ago and venture to speculate about things that might occur far in the future. But the present is a cornucopia of happenings some of which, if we are lucky, we can experience live at home or abroad. Even If we’re not so lucky to be in the exotic country of our dreams or in the stadium to watch the big match, smartphones and space-age watches keep us updated in real time. Yet, many of us are just as happy to relegate the reception of information to the tv screens and computers of our own living rooms.
My bi-monthly magazine, The Moonday Times is not primarily designed to teach you anything. I myself have to research, learn and double check many facts before I write each edition.
Rather, it is designed to test in a fun way all that knowledge you yourself have (or have not) accumulated of your own choosing during your life.

The MOONDAY TIMES brings you 8 main sections, viz.

Swish – this is a quick fact in English which may surprise foreign learners, e.g.
BRUNCH is a combnination of BReakfast and lUNCH
Oneliners – “I have nothing to declare except my genius,” said Oscar Wilde to custom offficials on entering the U.S
Smile For a While – you can read jokes in English. The idea is that they will make you smile but sometimes the jokes are so bad that you want to cry (we call these corny jokes)
Foreign Words and Expressions – In this section you will read the meaning of words like ad hoc and see it in a sample sentence
Grammar Under the Hammer – Check your Grammar level and grasp of Semantics – 5 levels - Beginner to Native Speaker
LPComment . Guest writer Tom Red talks about a topical subject or event. As distinct from newspapers which voice an opinión, LPComment is merely informative.
Culture Vulture – This is the main section and is divided into 4 categories, Music – Arts –History and Geography There are 4 levels - easy to very difficult.
THINK LANGUAGE is a special section I have made so that you can test your ability to understand the logic of the English language by using your grammar skills and deducing the correct connotation of words and expressions.

Language is very similar to mathematics in the sense that grammar structures will combine with definitive word meanings to produce a given result, e.g.

Simple structure – easy concept

I’ll arrive at the station at 8 o’clock

Complex structure – difficult concept

If i had had time, I would have gone to the supermarket.
However difficult this second sentence may prove for foreign students of English, even the most academically uneducated native speaker will express it correctly. Both structure and concept have been deeply ingrained in her language brain since childhood.

So come on, test your Language logic with Think Language!

MY PARTING SHOT
DON’T DO IT WELL?
WELL DON’T DO IT!