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Swish

by Dermot McGrath


What does the acronym TBH stand for?


Culture Vulture

by Dermot McGrath February 2015

Music

This song is one of the most popular in the classical repetoire. It's from Verdí's opera Rigoletto. What's its name?

Geography

What is the capital of Portugal?

Arts

Which country donated the Statue of Liberty to the U.S.A?

History

How many world wars were there?


Smile for a While


 “Sir you have got to help!” said the tearful man to the doorman at the Community Centre . “There is a family that I know very well who are in desperate need of money. The Father has been out of a job for over a year, they have five kids at home with hardly any food to eat. The worst part is that they are about to kicked out of the house and they will be left on the streets without a roof over their heads!” The man concluded, still crying pitifully.

“Well,” said the doorman, “that really is a sad story. Why don’t you come inside and we’ll talk about it a little bit more.” “So how much money is needed exactly?” asked the doorman when they were both seated. “Oh it’s really terrible”, said the man, “ They need $3,000 by tomorrow, otherwise they’ll be kicked out onto the streets.”

“Just a moment, I'm going to speak to the President of the Centre, I'm sure he'll be able to provide us with some financial aid." said the doorman. "Oh, and, by the way, how do you know so much about this situation?” he inquired. “Well,” said the man as his crying became even more intense, “they're my tenants!”

                     

Hey, reader, I'm beginning to think that that was a bit of a crap joke. Sorry :-(

 

Sir you have got to help!” said the tearful man at the door. “There is a family that I know very well that is in desperate need of money. The Father has been out of a job for over a year, they have five kids at home with barely a bit of food to eat. The worst part is, that they are about to kicked out of the house and they will be left on the streets without a roof over their heads!” The man concluded with one last heart wrenching sob. “Well,” said the man at the door, “that really is a sad story. Why don’t you come inside and we’ll talk about it a little more.” “So how much money is needed exactly?” asked the man when they were both seated. “Oh it’s really terrible”, said the man starting up again, “why just for the rent $3000 is needed by tomorrow otherwise they’ll be kicked out onto the streets.” “How do you know so much about this situation?” asked the man as he reached for his check book. “Well,” said the man breaking down once more “they are my tenants.”

Read more at: undefined | Great Clean Jokes
“Sir you have got to help!” said the tearful man at the door. “There is a family that I know very well that is in desperate need of money. The Father has been out of a job for over a year, they have five kids at home with barely a bit of food to eat. The worst part is, that they are about to kicked out of the house and they will be left on the streets without a roof over their heads!” The man concluded with one last heart wrenching sob. “Well,” said the man at the door, “that really is a sad story. Why don’t you come inside and we’ll talk about it a little more.” “So how much money is needed exactly?” asked the man when they were both seated. “Oh it’s really terrible”, said the man starting up again, “why just for the rent $3000 is needed by tomorrow otherwise they’ll be kicked out onto the streets.” “How do you know so much about this situation?” asked the man as he reached for his check book. “Well,” said the man breaking down once more “they are my tenants.”

Read more at: undefined | Great Clean Jokes

                        

As a first grade teacher, I often hear from my students about things going on in their family. Harry’s mother was expecting a baby and naturally Harry was very excited about it.

When one day Harry stopped talking about it I was concerned and questioned him the matter was. “Well”, Harry said, “my mother told me I could feel the baby moving in her stomach, I think it arrived and that she must have eaten it !”

Mmm...Ok, let's move on to the next item in the magazine... 

 

Sir you have got to help!” said the tearful man at the door. “There is a family that I know very well that is in desperate need of money. The Father has been out of a job for over a year, they have five kids at home with barely a bit of food to eat. The worst part is, that they are about to kicked out of the house and they will be left on the streets without a roof over their heads!” The man concluded with one last heart wrenching sob. “Well,” said the man at the door, “that really is a sad story. Why don’t you come inside and we’ll talk about it a little more.” “So how much money is needed exactly?” asked the man when they were both seated. “Oh it’s really terrible”, said the man starting up again, “why just for the rent $3000 is needed by tomorrow otherwise they’ll be kicked out onto the streets.” “How do you know so much about this situation?” asked the man as he reached for his check book. “Well,” said the man breaking down once more “they are my tenants.”

Read more at: undefined | Great Clean Jokes
Sir you have got to help!” said the tearful man at the door. “There is a family that I know very well that is in desperate need of money. The Father has been out of a job for over a year, they have five kids at home with barely a bit of food to eat. The worst part is, that they are about to kicked out of the house and they will be left on the streets without a roof over their heads!” The man concluded with one last heart wrenching sob. “Well,” said the man at the door, “that really is a sad story. Why don’t you come inside and we’ll talk about it a little more.” “So how much money is needed exactly?” asked the man when they were both seated. “Oh it’s really terrible”, said the man starting up again, “why just for the rent $3000 is needed by tomorrow otherwise they’ll be kicked out onto the streets.” “How do you know so much about this situation?” asked the man as he reached for his check book. “Well,” said the man breaking down once more “they are my tenants.”

Read more at: undefined | Great Clean Jokes

Dermot McGrath ebooks



Oneliners

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it

 

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to


Foreign words & expressions


COUP DE GRACE is French expression. Do you know what it means?


Think Language

TOM SAID TO ME “DON’T WORRY, I’LL TAKE THE TRAIN INSTEAD OF THE BUS.”

From this sentence we understand that:

If you don't agree with Tom Red's Language Logic, just send him a message to lpdermot@gmail.com and he will reply to you.


Grammar Under Hammer

Don't say:

I wish you have a nice day

That's not good English

Say:

I HOPE you have a nice day


Lpcomment

by Tom Red

A Great Briton

In 2002 the BBC (British Broadcasting Corporation) held a vote to decide who the public thought was the Greatest Briton (British person) of all time. John Lennon, one of the Beatles, was voted 8th, William Shakespeare 5th, but in first place was Sir Winston Churchill, the former Prime Minister. But why? What was so special about Winston Churchill?

The main reason most British people would give for voting Winston Churchill in the top position is that  he led his country through the most destructive and terrifying war the world had ever seen, The Second World War. This was even worse than World War 1, also known as The Great War.  In 1940, Germany, already having invaded and overrun Poland, had conquered France and was planning to invade Britain. England had no Prime Minister as Neville Charmberlain resigned believing he could not win the war. Although Winston Churchill was unpopular with many people in positions of power, it was agreed that his experience fighting in three different continents would make him an ideal choice. Churchill's courage, determination and refusal to accept defeat could  potentially win the war for Britain. The speeches that he delievered were particularly important for uniting the British people at a time when the amount of available food in the country was decreasing.

Perhaps the most remembered quote is:

"... we shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender"

Furthermore, he was brave enough to make difficult decisions and say what other people wouldn't. As early as 1937 Churchill informed other politicians that Adolf Hitler was a dangerous man and he needed to be stopped. At that stage in history no one else in Britain considered Hitler a problem. However, he also held many other controversial opinions. In 1919 he stated: "I am strongly in favour of using poisoned gas against uncivilised tribes." Anybody who can remember the last two Iraq wars will remember that Saddam Hussein's use of posinious gas  was a reason given by America and the UK for going to war. Other such controversial comments related to: Indians and Africans being inferior beings to white Europeans, woman not deserving the same rights as men and the appropriateness of using the military against British labourers who refused to work.

It cannot be denied that Winston Churchill deserves to be remembered and talked about for a long time. Perhaps his poorer qualities were the product of the time he grew up in but ultimately he was a fearless, inspiring leader. Perhaps his sucess in World War II helped transform his image from "questionable" to "heroic". Either way, Winston Churchill led a rich and fascinating life, well worth studying by anyone today.

 

 

MY MISSION STATEMENT

A LITTLE KNOWLEDGE IS A DANGEROUS THING, SO
LEARN MORE AND BE SAFE!!

First and foremost, The Moonday Times is a magazine aimed at helping students practise their English. They say studying improves brain and mind. Great!
But for some, it’s like eating half-cooked broccoli every day because it’s good for your body. Ughhh! Not great!

Of course there are many factors at play.

Study is associated with school. We were forced to learn when we were small because, basically, the more knowledge we possessed, the better our chances were of getting a good job. Study was a necessity, it was never intended to be a pleasure.

But as we got older, the accumulation of knowledge became a choice, free from the constraints of exams. Almost all of us in the Western world have become self-learners to a greater or lesser extent and we gather all manner of facts and figures that interest us from sport to the night sky.
The 3 Rs (Reading – wRriting – aRithmetic) provided us with letters and numbers, the basic tools to explore the world far beyond our own personal experiences. They allowed us to assimilate facts and they spawned our fantasies. They engendered desires and inspired our dreams. We know about events that occurred hundreds and thousands of years ago and venture to speculate about things that might occur far in the future. But the present is a cornucopia of happenings some of which, if we are lucky, we can experience live at home or abroad. Even If we’re not so lucky to be in the exotic country of our dreams or in the stadium to watch the big match, smartphones and space-age watches keep us updated in real time. Yet, many of us are just as happy to relegate the reception of information to the tv screens and computers of our own living rooms.
My bi-monthly magazine, The Moonday Times is not primarily designed to teach you anything. I myself have to research, learn and double check many facts before I write each edition.
Rather, it is designed to test in a fun way all that knowledge you yourself have (or have not) accumulated of your own choosing during your life.

The MOONDAY TIMES brings you 8 main sections, viz.

Swish – this is a quick fact in English which may surprise foreign learners, e.g.
BRUNCH is a combnination of BReakfast and lUNCH
Oneliners – “I have nothing to declare except my genius,” said Oscar Wilde to custom offficials on entering the U.S
Smile For a While – you can read jokes in English. The idea is that they will make you smile but sometimes the jokes are so bad that you want to cry (we call these corny jokes)
Foreign Words and Expressions – In this section you will read the meaning of words like ad hoc and see it in a sample sentence
Grammar Under the Hammer – Check your Grammar level and grasp of Semantics – 5 levels - Beginner to Native Speaker
LPComment . Guest writer Tom Red talks about a topical subject or event. As distinct from newspapers which voice an opinión, LPComment is merely informative.
Culture Vulture – This is the main section and is divided into 4 categories, Music – Arts –History and Geography There are 4 levels - easy to very difficult.
THINK LANGUAGE is a special section I have made so that you can test your ability to understand the logic of the English language by using your grammar skills and deducing the correct connotation of words and expressions.

Language is very similar to mathematics in the sense that grammar structures will combine with definitive word meanings to produce a given result, e.g.

Simple structure – easy concept:

I’ll arrive at the station at 8 o’clock.

Complex structure – difficult concept:

If I had had time, I would have gone to the supermarket.

However difficult this second sentence may prove for foreign students of English, even the most academically uneducated native speaker will express it correctly. Both structure and concept have been deeply ingrained in her language brain since childhood.

So come on, test your Language logic with Think Language!

MY PARTING SHOT
DON’T DO IT WELL?
WELL DON’T DO IT!